


Nutella Thievery

by dicklomatticimmunity



Category: Football RPF
Genre: M/M, Nutella
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-24
Updated: 2014-08-24
Packaged: 2018-02-14 14:17:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2194932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dicklomatticimmunity/pseuds/dicklomatticimmunity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someone knows where the secret stash is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nutella Thievery

**Author's Note:**

> Vietnamese translation here: [on WordPress](https://october1998.wordpress.com/2015/06/03/trans-oneshot-pg-nutella-thievery/).

Müller knows he's being just a bit _evil_ as he twists and turns the dial, right first, then left, then right again. There's a soft _clank_ sound as the lock disengages. Müller looks around him. Nobody else is in the locker room -- everyone else has left, or so he believes -- but he has to make sure, just in case. He's been snuck up on before, and with only half the lights on in the room, it would be easy for someone to be hiding in the corner, waiting for him to escape with his prize.

The door swings open slightly, and Müller opens it all the way, being careful that he doesn't hit the door against the locker next to it. He peeks in, and there, right where he expected it would be, is the biggest jar of Nutella he's ever seen.

_This will be worth it_ , he tells himself as he takes it and tucks it under one arm. He closes the locker carefully, looking left and right as he does so, because he has a sinking feeling -- someone's watching, he's sure of it -- and he needs to get the Nutella into his locker before Neuer sees.

There's a loud coughing sound, and Müller jumps. He feels the jar of Nutella start to slip, but he manages to catch it before it slides out of his grasp completely. Damn, but the thing is heavy.

And oh, someone's been behind him this whole time.

Oops.

"I believe that's mine," comes Neuer's voice, unmistakable, from behind him.

Which it is. It's Neuer's locker he just broke into. Well, technically Neuer's; both of them have been leaving various things in each other's lockers for a few months now, but the Nutella is always in Neuer's because Neuer doesn't quite trust him with it, for some reason. And no, he can't fathom why; all he knows is that stealing it is equivalent to murder, in Neuer's mind, which is the only reason he doesn't steal it nearly as often as he wants to.

Müller puts on his best mischievous grin and turns slowly. Neuer, still dressed in full kit, is attempting to loom over him -- as he does when his precious Nutella is threatened -- and yet, he doesn't look angry or upset. He's smiling, in fact, and there's a sparkle in his eyes -- and heck, his smile too -- that tells Müller that he should be very, very afraid.

"Oh," Müller says, his plans forgotten as he works to figure out Neuer's. "Well, yes, it is. I needed a snack."

And without further ado, he unscrews the lid, sticks his finger in, lifts the coated digit to his lips, and drags his tongue across it, intentionally being as obscene as possible. Maybe he can't figure out what Neuer is thinking, but he can certainly derail him.

Neuer is unphased, though. Still smiling, he takes both the jar and its lid from him. "I'm hungry too."

"Oh?" Müller asks, struggling to come up with a new plan.

"Ja," Neuer says. He turns his back on Müller as he screws the lid back onto the jar, then sets it on a nearby bench. He then turns back to Müller. "But not for Nutella."

"Then... what for?" Müller asks, thinking furiously, and getting nothing.

Neuer advances on him slowly, the dim lighting casting ominous shadows, dancing around Neuer's feet. "Guess."

Müller laughs. "You know I'm not good at guessing games."

Neuer's grin widens. "It won't be hard, trust me." Neuer closes the distance between them until the goalkeeper is leaning over him, gloved hands planted against the lockers behind him, trapping him where he is.

He gets it, then. "For me?"

Neuer's teeth show as he beams, then leans in and kisses Müller, slowly, gently, tasting the Nutella that's still on his tongue.

"For you," Neuer confirms, reaching a hand down to squeeze Müller's ass before continuing the kiss.

Müller moans into the kiss, lips curling up into a mischievous grin.

Sometimes, Müller doesn't like being snuck up on. But if Neuer's the one who does the sneaking, he doesn't mind at all. He likes sweet surprises.

**Author's Note:**

> After not writing for over a year, this is what I choose to make my comeback with. Yep.


End file.
